Debunking the Stages of Grief: What Grief Really Looks Like

When it comes to grief, many people have heard of the five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. This model—originally developed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in the context of people facing terminal illness—was never intended to describe how everyone grieves after loss. Yet it’s become the most commonly referenced roadmap for what grief is “supposed” to look like.

The truth? Grief doesn’t follow a checklist. It isn’t linear, predictable, or one-size-fits-all. And trying to force yourself (or others) through a tidy sequence of “stages” can leave you feeling like you’re doing it wrong when, in reality, you’re grieving in the only way you can: your way.

Let’s take a moment to debunk the myth of the five stages—and talk about what grief really looks and feels like.

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Myth: Grief Comes in Neat, Orderly Stages

The five stages of grief suggest a progression, as if you move through denial, get a little angry, bargain a bit, then dip into depression before reaching the ultimate destination: acceptance.

But grief is not a linear journey.

Most people experience grief as a loop, spiral, wave, or unpredictable storm. You might feel deep sadness one morning, laughter by the afternoon, and be knocked down by anger or guilt weeks—or even years—later. All of it is valid. Grief isn’t a process to complete; it’s a landscape you learn to live with.

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Myth: Denial Means You Don’t Know the Loss Happened

Denial is often misunderstood. It’s not about pretending the loss didn’t occur. It can look more like emotional numbness, shock, or feeling disconnected from reality. It’s your brain protecting you from the full impact of the pain—until you’re more ready to face it.

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Myth: Anger Is Always Present, and Always Negative

Not everyone feels anger. And for those who do, it can be confusing. You might feel angry at the person who died, at a higher power, at the unfairness of life, or even at yourself. Anger isn’t bad—it’s a valid emotional response to helplessness and loss. When acknowledged safely, it can be a powerful catalyst for truth and healing.

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Myth: Bargaining Only Happens Before a Loss

Bargaining isn’t just “If I pray hard enough, maybe this won’t happen.” After a loss, it can look like replaying “what ifs” in your mind, trying to rewrite the story: “If I had just called sooner,” “If we had taken a different route,” etc. This is your mind searching for meaning or control in a situation that feels chaotic.

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Myth: Depression Is the Final Hurdle Before Acceptance

Depression in grief isn’t a sign of clinical illness—it’s often a natural part of mourning. But again, not everyone experiences it in the same way. For some, it shows up as sadness or apathy. For others, it’s anxiety, exhaustion, or even physical pain. Grief-related depression can ebb and flow for months or years.

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Myth: Acceptance Means You’re “Over It”

Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re okay with the loss. It means you’re beginning to acknowledge the reality that life has changed—and that your love and grief will coexist going forward. You might still have tough days. That doesn’t mean you’ve regressed; it means you’re still grieving. And that’s okay.

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So, What Does Grief Really Look Like?

Grief is:

• A rollercoaster of emotions, often in one day

• Crying when you least expect it

• Feeling numb, then overly sensitive

• Needing quiet, then craving connection

• Laughing at a memory, then feeling guilty

• Creating new rituals to honor old love

• Learning how to carry what can’t be fixed

Everyone grieves in their own time, in their own way. And there’s no finish line.

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At Wellpointe Therapy Solutions, We Do Grief Differently

At Wellpointe Therapy Solutions, we don’t try to fit your grief into a five-stage mold. We create a space where your emotions are welcomed, not pathologized—where you’re supported in navigating the messy, complicated, beautiful reality of love and loss.

Whether you’re grieving a death, a breakup, a dream that didn’t come true, or a part of yourself you’ve had to let go of—you don’t have to do it alone.

Let us sit with you. Grief might not have stages, but it does deserve support.

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Ready to take the next step in your healing?

Contact Wellpointe Therapy Solutions today to schedule a consultation with one of our compassionate therapists.